Does Your Boss Practice Toxic Positivity?
Being happy and positive at work can be a win-win for employees and organizations. But what happens when your boss practices toxic positivity? No matter how bad or stressful the situation is or how difficult the circumstances, they convince themselves that simply acting happy or thinking positively will change the outcome — then spread this toxic positivity to their teams. By doing so, they put the responsibility on individuals to try to survive and persevere in broken and dysfunctional environments, without addressing the root causes at hand. How can you tell the difference between a boss who is optimistic, thinks positively, and coaches and inspires their team and one who practices toxic positivity? The author presents three red flags to watch for.
“Let’s add another million dollars to the forecast this year,” said our vice president excitedly. In our team meeting, he stood up and shouted, “We can do this! I believe in you! Let’s get it done!” while clapping his hands. Walking around the conference room, he alternated between patting team members on the back and offering fist pumps.
My colleague and I looked at each other in disbelief. Our head of supply chain had just alerted us that our latest product was selling faster than we could produce it, and one of our facilities could no longer produce this particular product at all. Our VP knew all of this, yet he forced us to add an additional million dollars to the forecast. No amount of wishful thinking, positive vibes, or can-do attitude could get us to meet this new forecast target.
This was just one of many examples of working for this leader, who wasn’t simply optimistic — he was filled with toxic positivity.
Being happy and positive at work can be a win-win for employees and organizations. An extensive Saïd Business School study showed that employees are 13% more productive when happy. According to Shawn Achor, the author of The Happiness Advantage, positivity in the workplace, grounded in gratitude and appreciation, can lead to three times more creativity, 23% fewer fatigue symptoms, and 37% greater sales. And finally, Better Up, one of the largest mental health and coaching startups, offers that a positive mindset can strengthen people’s leadership skills as well as boost their ability to problem solve and adapt to change.
But what happens when your boss weaponizes positivity?
Time and time again over the course of my career I’ve seen leaders practice toxic positivity. No matter how bad or stressful the situation is or how difficult the circumstances, they convince themselves that simply acting happy or thinking positively will change the outcome — then spread this toxic positivity to their teams. By doing so, they put the responsibility on individuals to try to survive and persevere in broken and dysfunctional environments, without addressing the root causes at hand.
How can you tell the difference between a boss who is optimistic, thinks positively, and coaches and inspires their team and one who practices toxic positivity? Here are three red flags to watch for.
“We won’t take no for an answer,” one sales leader I used to work with would always say. “No is not an option.” He also surrounded himself with yes people: People who did not challenge or question recommendations or directives that didn’t make sense. During my time working with them, this team consistently overpromised and underdelivered. The sales leader had infected his team with toxic positivity; they believed anything was possible, even in the face of real business obstacles. They were actually shielding themselves from reality.
On the rare occasions he was challenged, he evoked military analogies: “Some of the greatest generals never retreated from the battlefield. We are staying on the field.” He was always positive, smiling, and upbeat when delivering these repetitive messages, leaving many wondering whether the behavior was actually harmful since he wasn’t screaming and yelling.
“As a leader, you have to balance optimism with a dose of realism,” offers Sonali Pai, founder of Grapefruit Beauty Collective. She continues:
I want to inspire my team to push for more than we thought we could achieve. And at the same time, if there are real roadblocks in the way, like a customer shipment was held up in customs, or we didn’t produce enough of a new innovation, or our talent is sick and can no longer participate in the photo shoot, positive platitudes aren’t going to help. I need to be there with my team, rolling up our sleeves and getting to work together to problem solve and to fix this situation.
As Pai says, an optimistic leader will be balanced in positive and realistic thinking. They will be willing to hear about what’s not working, to problem solve with the team, and to pivot when necessary. They’ll take no for an answer and accept that failure is an option. Once leaders accept failure, they can reevaluate what to do differently next time around.
A leader who is filled with toxic positivity may use praise, compliments, and flattery as a form of manipulation. They might appeal to someone’s people-pleasing tendencies and desire to save the day, flattering them into doing what they would like done — even if completing the task at hand isn’t actually possible or would require physical or emotional sacrifices.
I’ve seen that this is of particular concern in a market characterized by layoffs, downsizing, and budget cuts. Leaders often won’t make tough calls on what work must stop and what work needs to continue, and they might encourage individuals to do more with less resourcing. Toxic positivity can at first seem like a motivator, but it can impact team morale and productivity over time, especially if everything constantly feels urgent.
Watch out for phrases like:
While these phrases seem innocuous or even complimentary on their own, leaders can weaponize this kind of positive feedback in order to manipulate their team members into taking on impossible work. A leader who is actually coaching and guiding their team will give “always-on” feedback, sharing both strengths and areas for improvement on a consistent basis.
“Why aren’t you smiling? What happened? Don’t worry, be happy!” a former boss would often say to me, pointing to his mouth and making a hand gesture for me to smile.
And most of the time when I received this feedback, nothing had actually happened. I would just be at my desk, focused and diligently working. But he wanted his team smiling and projecting happiness at all times, no matter the circumstances.
“We can’t expect our teams to showcase happiness at work, on demand, 24/7, just so we feel better about ourselves and our leadership capabilities,” shares Lan Phan, author of Do this Daily and founder of the leadership development organization “community of SEVEN.” Phan adds, “By asking team members to simply smile more, we may be dismissing or invalidating negative emotions or reactions they are experiencing at work or at home.”
In uncertain economic times, employees can feel demotivated by layoffs, hiring freezes, restructuring, cost cutting, resignations, and missed revenue targets. They can also feel overwhelmed by the increasing costs of childcare, natural disasters occurring in their communities, caring for an elderly family member, wars raging around the world, and an upcoming U.S. presidential election. It’s not reasonable for leaders to expect employees to always be practicing gratitude and being joyful at work.
Phan says that the pressure employees feel to put on a happy face and erase how they’re really feeling can lead to burnout. She told me, “They may also fear being labeled a pot stirrer, trouble maker, or detractor if they share their true feelings or concerns. So they bury their feelings while also feeling like they are letting so many people at work down.”
Good leaders validate how team members are feeling, rather than practicing toxic positivity. They avoid phrases like “It could be worse,” “Everything happens for a reason,” and “Look at the bright side.” Instead, they actively listen and offer help and support. For example, “I’m sorry this is happening. How can I help you today? Is there anything I can do for you at work to help support you?”
It can be hard to advocate for yourself if you find yourself working for a boss who practices toxic positivity, as they may not want to accept what you’re sharing. Start to set boundaries for yourself and seek support from other colleagues. Compare the goals your boss is setting to the current business constraints so that you can be realistic with yourself about what you can and can’t do — despite what you may be told — and avoid burnout. And finally, let working for a leader who is practicing toxic positivity be an important lesson on how to be optimistic while remaining grounded in reality.
Managing up, Managing yourself, Digital Article
Mita Mallick
Mita Mallick is the author of Reimagine Inclusion, a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestseller. She is currently the head of DEI at Carta. She is a LinkedIn Top Voice, cohost of The Brown Table Talk podcast, and her writing has been published in Fast Company, The New York Post, and Adweek.
HBR Staff; the_burtons/Getty Images